At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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