I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Randomize
