The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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