I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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