I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
