So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
