i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
