it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
being pregnant is like rehab
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
