He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
