So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
