why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
