I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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