ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
i now understand why vodka
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
