I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
