I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
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