Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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