note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
