i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
