Just took my morning after pill in the library
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
