Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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