wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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