theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
