we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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