You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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