Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
