My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
then he tried to convert me to islam
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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