You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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