Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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