Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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