omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
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