I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Randomize
