no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
