true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I've blown a few things in my day
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
