so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
