Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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