I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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