look no pants
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
