Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
