sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
