Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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