I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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