I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
