Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
