dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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