is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Randomize
