just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Bring me that man meat
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
PANTIES FOUND
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
