i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
