i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
