Screwed.edu
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
did i just pee glitter
Randomize
