she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
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