Soap is not a condiment
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
